No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
