1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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