I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
