How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
