i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize