..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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