the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
