I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
