Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
