Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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