I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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