Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
