So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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