peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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