mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
