no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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