she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
