I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw a hot homeless man
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
