Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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