if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
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we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
BRING THE BAGELS
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.