Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
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