we're blogging at a bar
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!