So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.