Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.