is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll