I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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