If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
