The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You can't motorboat a personality
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
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