Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
