I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
