Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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