I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
