One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
