I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
