Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
