before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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