unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
