During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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