Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Can I color on your dick again?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
