i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
