My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
