forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
