Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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