im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I intend to get homeless drunk
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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