did you get engaged???
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
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home. puking in laundry basket.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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