yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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