I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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