Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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