Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
