I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
