Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
