Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
