I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
