I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
