He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
