worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
