So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
