Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
