A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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