i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
