I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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