smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
