You can't special order awesome
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
