i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
