I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
