You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
